Tuesday, June 30, 2009

English 2

Do you hate the American spelling that is forced down on us by the Microsoft Corporation, shops and television? Do you hate the misuse of punctuation. Do you feel that English is stupid and it sucks? Welcome to English 2.

English 2 is a new refreshing view on the way I'm going to start writing letters and notes from now on.

To make up for the years of horrible spelling the poor Americans have been brainwashed into using, words which have had their extra letters re-inserted must be written with these letters really big, or repeated several times. You know, just to piss off Webster. Besides, it looks pretty.

The question mark has been ditched and replaced with the word Pang. The question mark freaks me out and it looks funny. End of story. The exclamation mark on the other hand will be kept. It has been pointed out that exclamation marks are an accurate way of judging a person's intelligence . . . See diagram below.

To keep things neat though, exclamations will be tied up like below. We don't want exclamations marks taking over. It's a safety precaution.

These are only a few examples. Read the article for the full version.

Finally, I give you an example of the changes that have to be made.

Crappy italic version:

English-2 version:

Advanced English-2 version:

All of a sudden the letter writing future looks so bright.


No comments:

Post a Comment